Ampersand, Vol.1, Ep.12

A loving spoonful.

I love cookie dough.

I think it might be, wait... Yes. Chocolate chip cookie dough is my favorite thing in the world.

It's probably the gooeyness and the intense amount of sugar. And of course, the chocolateness and nuttiness. (I always put pecans in mine.)

Most of all, I love chocolate chip cookie dough because it's so good but so bad at the same time.  I feel immediately that I'm doing something naughty, but it tastes so good I just can't help myself.

And I'm so silly.

If I waited until the dough was baked, I would have delicious warm chocolate chip cookies.  Cookies that last for days!  Cookie dough goes sour or dries up if I try to save it.  (And believe me, I've tried!)

In order to make cookies, I have to preheat the oven. 375º no more, no less.  The environment must be prepared and perfect.

And I have to wait.  I think that's what makes cookie dough so much more alluring.  No waiting.  Mix together some random [carefully measured] ingredients and BOOM! A delicious treat to bring me bliss, albeit temporary, since one bite is never enough.

I don't know why I hate waiting so much, maybe because I'm an American and I typically don't have to wait for anything.  Every want is instantaneously met. (And shooting rabbit!)

However, cookie dough must be baked thoroughly to fulfill it's intended purpose: to become a cookie.  It's worth the wait once I have the cookie. But it's hard to look at that dough and not take a little taste.  Just to hold me over.

Of course, I always regret it.  Especially, once the cookies are baked and I'm suddenly too full to enjoy them.  And I look at my pitiful pile of baked cookies and realize that most of my intended cookies have already been devoured before they were ready.

Intimacy is like cookie dough.

I want intimacy.

I want to be indescribably close to someone.

And when I get the opportunity to have that feeling, even for a moment, I want to take it!

I want to tell him a secret, something I've never breathed to anyone.  I want to trust him completely.  I want to take his hand while we watch a movie.  I want to let him hold me deep in his embrace when I feel like crying.  etc.

But, afterward, I don't like the feeling that I've given something away to someone that wasn't intended for him.

I don't like knowing that I have done something that I wasn't ready for.  I thought I was ready, but I have been wrong every time.

And I don't want to go through my life, eating cookie dough, and have nothing left to put in the cookie jar for my future husband.

Now what?

I'm going to have to think about it.  And probably make some difficult decisions about how I relate to men.  There is one way that intimacy isn't like cookies, I can't just make more.  I only have one heart to give, and it get's smaller every time I give a piece away to someone who won't receive all of it.

Comma Vol.1, Ep.7

Dear Future Husband,

Love You Forever,

Charity Ellen Your Last Name

Ampersand Vol.1, Ep.5

I don't like to make resolutions.

Like too many people, I give up within a month, a week... a day.

So I don't make resolutions very often.  This year, 2012, I do have one that I think will improve my relationships and my personal character.

Give people the benefit of the doubt.

I too often jump to negative conclusions or assume the worst.

Especially with those I claim to love.

So this year, this month, this week, and today; when it seems like people I love are doing or saying things I don't understand, I'm going to give them the benefit of the doubt.

I'm going to wait, I'm going to ask questions, and I'm going to remember that I love these people and they've proven they love me many times.

Hopefully, as I extend more grace to those I love, they will extend grace to me when I do and say things they don't understand.  Because, let's face it, I'm not perfect and I need even more grace than they do, for sure!

What are your resolutions? Or non-resolutions?

Happy Day One of 2012! 365 to go!

Ampersand, Vol.1, Ep.3

One of the common complaints I hear from friends that belong to the fairer sex is that men don't step up. Specifically, Christian men.

It seems, in general, that Christian men take all the time in the world to declare intentions to the object of their affection. Or never actually get around to doing that.

Thusly, us females tend to live in a state of complete confusion and tension. Thoughts rush around our brains like an express train on a twisted mountain ridge.

And it's so much easier to blame the guy. It's his fault for leading us on or not making a move.

We get so upset/irate/frustrated that we can react negatively/strangely. {We were going to walk in and she was going to say "sit down"}

However, we females are responsible for our decision to get on the erratic thought train, the rushing to and fro between "he loves me" and "he hates me." Get off the train! Even express trains have to stop sometimes. When you get the opportunity, gather your belongings and quickly exit through the nearest door.

If you're a guy and you like a girl, let her know. If you do not like a girl, let her know. Define the relationship either way. Do not lie, please. Do not try to soften the blow.

No more playing games, be honest, be truthful, be upfront, be kind, and believe your brother/sister in Christ. If you feel his/her words contradict his/her behavior, tell him/her! He/she may not realize how he/she comes across. He/she may have noticed some contradicting words/behaviors of yours as well. (Raise your hand if you are now completely on the "english needs a gender inclusive singular personal pronoun" bus after reading that paragraph. I nominate "slash.")

So, whether the object of your desire is moving too slow (i.e. not at all) or an acquaintance is, oddly enough, moving too fast and freaking you out. Take a deep breath, get off the train, and pray. Pray, pray, pray! Then tell him/her where you're at in the emotion arena and ask if he/she is in the same place, too.

Please, do not give ultimatums. Ask the question and while you wait for the answer, pray.

Life never goes the way you think it will. Pray, depend completely on God, and be patient.

In my experience, men need other good Christian men around them to talk about relationships, and encourage them to make a move, declare, and start a relationship with the right woman. Women need other good Christian women around them to talk about relationships, and encourage them to get off the erratic thoughts train and be patient while waiting for a relationship with the right man to start.

Friends, any sage words of advice? Thoughts? Please comment below or tweet me: @livehappilyever. Thanks!

Apostrophe Vol.26, Ep.52

I love planning weddings.

Okay, let me back up. I love planning anything. I love plans. I love following plans and being organized and having everything turn out beautifully because that's how I planned it and I made it happen. I feel accomplished after something I have planned works out well. I am not inflexible, I do not get upset when circumstances cause a plan to veer off course, I simply adapt. In fact, I always have contingency plans and back up plans because, well, that means more planning. It's a win-win!

And planning weddings is like the ultimate challenge! It's a huge undertaking! And you only get one shot to get it right. (Well, most people only take one shot...) And in the end, it's only the first day of the rest of your life with your spouse. And you have at least 1440 chances every day after your wedding to get it right. Your wedding is just one day.

Keep that in mind, it's just one day. It's important, yes. But every day with your spouse is important.

Your wedding is not just about you and your spouse. It is about you and your spouse, but it's also about your families, your friends, and your lives coming together. It's a lot to manage. And most importantly, as Christians, it's about God. In your lives as individuals, and in your life together, it's God's plan that will work, not yours. It's difficult for me to admit that, all the time. But it's true. And really, if I want a plan to work, I must leave it in God's hands, and let Him do what He wills.

Some people are all big picture when it comes to weddings. All they see is two people getting married, committing to love and cherish one another for the rest of their lives. They don't care about the little things like food and location, they just want to get married and get going.

Some people are all details. From the arrangement of the flowers to the amount of food on each plate to the spelling of guests' names on place cards. And they miss the big picture that they are making a lifelong commitment that they will be renewing daily.

Like a mosaic, you can stand apart and see the whole, or you can stand really close and focus on the individual pieces, but it's best to move in between. Get close and take care of the details: location, flowers, catering, guest lists, decor. Then step back and appreciate the wonder: God is joining you with this person for the rest of your lives and He's going to be with you every step of the way.

Somewhere in the middle, find the perspective of others. You might have older relatives at your wedding who will appreciate being recognized for their own commitment. And young children who don't understand yet, but may remember the seriousness with which you took your vows and the happiness you exuded as you and your spouse prayed together as husband and wife for the first time. The bridesmaid who is so happy for you, but heartbroken and hopeless for herself. The groomsman who can't wait to get out of this monkey suit. Your parents who are a little scared for you, maybe remembering you as a child, and scared for themselves as their own lives are changing. And your perpetually late cousin, who can't find her way out of her own yard on a clear day, but would be devastated if she missed a minute of your wedding.

Make a note in the program. Take photos with purpose. Write thank you notes that aren't for wedding gifts. Plan your ceremony with care. Relax at your reception. Connect with each guest. Enjoy God's day. Everything else will be okay.

(my bff and I at her wedding)

Ampersand, Vol.1, Ep.2

What is most important in long-lasting romantic relationships?

Some say chemistry. Others, common interests. And, still others, commitment. I think everyone has a different answer of what they believe is most important to maintain a healthy relationship with a lifelong partner. And while I think chemistry, common interests, and commitment are important to sustaining a relationship between significant others, I don't think they are crucial.

In fact, I am fairly certain that the vast majority of the world does not share my view. I believe that theological agreement is most important in maintaining a healthy growing romantic lifelong relationship. That's right. I said "theological agreement." That means that we believe the same things about God. For example, God created the world in six 24 hour days. God sent his son, Jesus, to die on the cross for me, so I could go to heaven because without Jesus I am going to hell. I deserve to go to hell because I have sinned (that's right, me, I have sinned, once, twice, a hundred times, any which way I deserve to go to hell). Only faith in Jesus saves me from hell and only Jesus gives me the gift of eternal life with Him. These are the beliefs that significant others must agree on. There are other nuances of the Christian faith which are also crucial to the success of marriage. Interpretation of Ephesians 5, for example. (Look it up and comment below with your interpretation.)

Whether or not you and your significant other agree with my interpretation is not as important as if you and your sig oth's interpretations agree. Get it?

Also, helpful if your faith and interpretations are based on the truth of the Bible. That takes time, so the second more important aspect of a successful relationship would be a mutual willingness to learn, grow, and accept theological correction as necessary. So even if your interpretation changes, as long as you and your sig oth agree and base changes on the Bible, and you both agree, you're good.

If you agree, what would you put third?

If you don't agree, what's most important to you?

I'd love to start a dialogue and hear your point of view.