Watermark, Vol.3, Ep.5

look up john 3:16 in the bible.

Apostrophe, Vol.26, Ep.75

I go back and forth on the whole swearing thing.

Sometimes, I don't see the problem, and I think to myself "what's the big deal? they're only words."

And other times, I feel really convicted and remember verses that my mother likes to quote like "out of the heart the mouth speaks" or something like that.

She's not referring only to swearing, of course, she says that every time I rip someone a new one with my rapier wit and sharp tongue.  I do have a sharp tongue.  And I think I do hurt people's feelings.

I am sorry.  Afterward.

But typically, in the moment, I am enraged at the injustice that I perceive.  Or the idiocy.  Or both.

I'm awful if it's both.  Laughably awful.  I say horrible things that are horribly funny and people laugh, not because they agree, though the might, but because what I said was so hilariously and awfully true.

Yeah.

That's not speaking the truth in love.

Being funny doesn't mean I'm right, and speaking truth harshly, doesn't help the person I am speaking to or about.

And I want to be helpful.

I want to be nice.

I guess that brings me back to the whole swearing thing.

I have used swear words before.  I have even used faux swear words... a lot.

And I feel better for a while.  But then I don't.

I know that people think less of me when I swear, and no, I don't really care what other people think.

But...

I'm a Christian.  And I don't want people to think less of Jesus because I swear.

I don't want people to think less of Jesus because I am uncharitable in how I speak of others.

I don't want to stand in someone's way of discovering the truth about Christ.

And while I don't care what people think about me, I care what they think about Jesus.

So I'm not going to swear and I'm going to speak truth in love.

Even when people are acting unjustly or dumb.

That's my challenge for today.

Where do you stand on the whole "swearing" issue?

Watermark, Vol.1, Ep.12

Happy Sunday!

Jump for joy today!

Watermark, Vol.1, Ep.9

Good Sunday Morning!  

Spend a little time with Jesus today and practice those listening skills!

I'll be back tomorrow!

Caret, Vol.1, Ep.8

In my mind, I think of Jesus as the sun.  God as the giver of life, and Jesus as the sustainer of all living things.  He's big and powerful and could destroy me in a second.  But, He's loving and warm and chases away the demons of darkness.

It's not a standard or widely accepted theology.  It's an analogy.

And I don't believe in the whole "Mother Earth" thing because without God, earth would be just one more floating rock in space.  And without Jesus, I would be just one more soul on it's way to hell.  So I guess, in my astronomical analogy of life and eternity, I'm like earth, nothing special until God created new life in me.

Also, in this analogy, I want to be like the moon so that I can reflect the sun's light to earth.  Reflect Jesus to earth.  Lead others to the center of the universe, bring them to Christ.

It brings a whole new meaning to in the world but not of it.  I'm a floating rock in space, part of the earth, but made of moon.

Did I lose you?

It's an analogy, and it has a few kinks.

The point is, I love the poem from above because it explains how I feel about my Savior.  And I love the moon because it pulls me back to Him.  (Like ocean waves... too much analogy? I know.)

Watermark Vol.1, Ep.4

Caret Vol.1, Ep.7

It's okay to fail.

I've failed at a lot of things this past year.

If I were to chart out personal failures vs. personal successes, the failures would outweigh the successes by at least double.

In fact, I've failed at "failing" - I fail, but then I make it worse by reacting negatively thusly doubling the failure.

However, after this past year, I no longer see failure as a bad thing.  (At least, I'm continuing to alter my attitude toward failure.)

When I fail, it means I tried.  I tried something that I wasn't sure I would be good at.  I did my best and it wasn't enough to claim success.  But, I tried.  And I'm proud of that.

It's a super personal thing, maybe you can relate.

I've never tried anything - honest - that I knew I would fail.

I've always played it safe.  Until 2011.

No more playing it safe.  I jump in and I say "yes" to nearly every question.  (I'll try pretty much anything, but I'm not irresponsible or dumb.)

I said "yes" to bird-sitting even though I've been terrified of birds since kindergarten. (I had a bad experience.)  And I was awful those first few weeks.  I thought I would go insane.  I failed!

And out of my failure to be an amazing -scratch that- rudimentary "bird-sitter," God succeeded.  He brought me to my knees and I was completely dependent on Him.  He brought me to the realization that this feisty parrot was His creation, and my care for Simon was part of God's plan.  I was going to learn what God wanted me to learn through Simon, no matter how frustrated and discouraged I felt.  I failed by myself, but I succeeded through God.

I failed to find a job over the last four months, even now, I feel like I'm failing. "I should have tried harder." "A bad economy isn't an excuse." "I'm just lazy." These are the thoughts that fill my mind and keep my awake at night.  I'm still learning what God's plan is through this period of my life.

I failed in several relationships this year.  I let things slide because it was too painful or I was too lazy.  I hate admitting that to myself, even more so to my friends who must feel I've disappeared off the face of the earth.  I don't like failing at relationships.  That is the one thing I've consistently done well; maintaining connections with people, even when we're separated by many miles.  Or at least, I thought I did.

I've failed in my relationship with God most of all.  Yes, I depended heavily on Him while I was going through a rough time, but once things got better, my desire for Him lessened.  I truly feel like I'm a "bad weather" Christian - and that is a huge failure to me.  I want to interrupt this cycle, to praise Him when things are coming together AND falling apart.

It's difficult to be out of control.  It feels awful to fail.

But I enjoy the small successes so much more now.

I got a temp job.  It's not a big thing to most people, but it's exciting to me.  It opens up a whole new world of experiences and opportunities.

Even in my failure, God lifts me up and brings me closer to Him.

I'm willing to try it, but it's God who will succeed.

Caret Vol.1, Ep.6

I have "River" by Joni Mitchell floating through my subconscious currently.  Do you know that song? 

"It's coming on Christmas, they're cutting down trees, they're putting up reindeer, and singing songs of joy and peace, I wish I had a river, I could skate away on... I wish I had a river so long, I would teach my feet to fly, I wish I had a river I could skate away on..."

I feel like avoiding Christmas a little bit this year.  It's odd because I love it so much.  But, I'd really love to not have to deal with the comparison and jealousy that comes up with every christmas card received.  I am often and usually very happy that people I know and love are doing well and being blessed.  On a rare occasion, I glance at the card of a previous childhood challenger and feel inadequate.  Then, jealous.  Really jealous.  

They are married, with children, have a good job, went on a fantastic trip, etc.

All things I want.  All things I do not currently have.  

Proverbs 27:3-5 "A stone is heavy, and sand is weighty, but a fool's provocation is heavier than both. Wrath is cruel, anger is overwhelming, but who can stand before jealousy? Better is open rebuke than hidden love." (ESV)

However, more than wanting these things, I do not want to feel like this. Green with envy.  The green eyed monster.  (I get enough of that already as my eyes actually turn green at times.) 

And God doesn't want me to feel like that either.  

I was listening to a James MacDonald podcast on my way to work this week. (That's right, more about work later.)

And he laid out three steps to overcome jealousy.

1. Pray for blessing on those whom you feel jealous of.

2. Encourage them.

3. Defend them.

He says "you won't feel jealous when those people receive blessing because that's what you prayed for."

So that's what I'm going to do from now on.  Starting Now.

Comma Vol.1, Ep.6

Dear Wheaton House,

Just wanted to write you a little note to thank you.  I love all of your fanciful attributes and unique characteristics.  You gave me an escape that I desperately needed, almost a year ago, and now.  And you set me right.  You provided me the opportunity to gain some much needed perspective.  You were the vehicle that God used to demonstrate His faithfulness, provision, and unending love.

I love your beautiful hardwood floors, the plush carpet on the stairs, and the cool tile in the kitchen that shocked me awake every morning.  The curved banister, frosted glass front door, and that wide porch where Simon and I would sit and watch the world.  Love!

Yes, you fostered my first positive experience with a bird, and an exotic one at that!  Simon.  There are definitely moments that I miss him.  I miss the automatic "hello" every time I come in through the front door.  I miss singing as I cook and hearing him singing along with me.  I miss dancing with Simon on my shoulder or spinning while he clutches the back of my shirt.  I even miss the hair pulling and constant chatter when he wants attention.  (I do not miss the screeching and attempted biting.)

Thank you for being a daily adventure.  I loved discovering something new every day.  The secret staircase. The wine cellar. And that closet under the front steps that seemed like a secret passage way into the study.

Thank you for the large rooms and high ceilings, I loved the acoustics and space to twirl.

Thank you for the french doors, walking through them made me feel so regal.

Thank you for the old fashioned bathtub with claw feet, it made bathing so much more alluring.

Thank you for the two closets in my room, I have way too much stuff but you never held that against me.

Thank you for the amazing kitchen, seriously, the most counter space I've ever seen in my life, and I had to work to fill every inch of it!

Thank you for the automatic ice maker, it's a luxury I will never take for granted.

Thank you for the wide porch roof that kept my car free of snow, saved me from the embarrassment of being late many times!

Thank you for the big yard, the flowers, and those huge trees that fortified my safe harbor.

You really are one of the best houses I've ever had the pleasure of living in.  Despite the long driveway that nearly killed me to shovel after the blizzard.  (4 hours!)

Someday, I hope I have a house as cool as you.

I miss you and Simon already.

Your temporary housesitter,

Charity (you know, the one who like to rearrange all of the furniture)

Caret Vol.1, Ep.5

Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus

Turn your eyes upon Jesus

Look full in His wonderful face

And the things of earth will go strangely dim

In the light of His glory and grace

That's one of my favorite worship songs. Whenever I begin to feel overwhelmed, I hum the tune to myself. Close my eyes and roll the words around in my mind. I lift my face to heaven and instantly feel a warmth like sunshine spread over me. It feels like Jesus is smiling at me and I automatically smile back, take a deep breath, and open my eyes, ready for anything because He's with me.

That's a really powerful idea for me. Someone on my same side. I've always been very independent. Happy to have friends near me, but just as content to be on my own. When faced with adversity, I'm not afraid to stand alone. In fact, I often come to the aid of those who are in need. I join their side. I have no stake in their argument, but I believe in a fair fight and I commit to whatever we're fighting for.

It happens, then, because I seem so strong, that many don't recognize my need and I am too proud, independent, and self-sufficient to ask. At least to ask anyone else. (I'm working on it...) When I depend only on myself, I falter and faint. Completely spent, I collapse inside myself. That's when I turn to Him. Knowing Jesus is with me. That He's going to fight for me. We're on the same side. And He's going to win! He renews my strength and I soar like eagle's wings.

It's Monday. (That's enough for me to want to toss in the towel right there.)

I don't have a job. I'm running out of money. I'm single. I live with my parents.

But I'm turning my eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of my faith, who for the joy set before Him, endured the cross scorning that shame (oh snap!) and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. (Hebrews 12:2 and a shout out to my camp timber-lee oak ridge thug thursday ladies)

Jesus is with me. He's got this.

Caret Vol.1, Ep.4

Sooner or later, I will see the BIG PICTURE God is painting in my life,

instead of just the color He is using at the moment.

Psalm 119:49-50 (ESV)

Remember your word to your servant, in which you have made me hope.

This is my comfort in my affliction, that your promise gives me life.

I cannot see all that God has planned for me.

But I must holdfast to hope.

Hope that God is going to work out my present circumstances for His glory.

Faith that God will sustain me as I wait, even though I cannot see.

"Hope is faith holding out its hand in the dark."

George Iles

Caret Vol.1, Ep.3

Outline from today's sermon at church:
What's my top priority?
Mark 12:28-34

And one of the scribes came up and heard them disputing with one another, and seeing that he answered them well, asked him, "Which commandment is the most important of all?" Jesus answered, "The most important is, 'Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.' The second is this: 'You shall love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no other commandment greater than these." And the scribe said to him, "You are right, Teacher. You have truly said that he is one, and there is no other besides him. And to love him with all the heart and with all the understanding and with all the strength, and to love one's neighbor as oneself, is much more than all whole burnt offerings and sacrifices." And when Jesus saw that he answered wisely, he said to him, "You are not far from the kingdom of God." And after that no one dared to ask him any more questions. (Mark 12:28-34 ESV)

1. When our view of God is small, our spiritual life will be mediocre.

2. We are to wholly love God.
a. We must love God with pure devotion.
b. We are to love God passionately.
c. We are to love God intellectually.
d. We are to love God powerfully lived out.

3. If we love God, we still love our neighbor.

4. Internal attitude is more important than external actions.