Read along and listen to the original telling here: Ellipses Vol.4, Ep.1 - Classic Ethan & Evan Story.
Once upon a time, in a big house, on top of a mountain, next to a river, down the road from the most beautiful pine forest, there lived two boys: Ethan and Evan!
This story is called "Evan and the Desperate Cry for Help"
"Help! Help!"
Evan ran through the forest and all the way up the road, around the porch to the front door of his house, he twisted and jiggled the handle but it wouldn't open.
"Oh, no! Oh, no!"
He ran to one side of the house, he jiggled and twisted the door [handle], but it wouldn't open!
"Oh, no!"
He ran all the way to the other side of the house to the family room door.
He jiggled and twisted, but it wouldn't open, he started to hyperventilate!
And then he ran down around all the way to the kitchen side of the house again, and tried to push the code into the garage door, but it wouldn't open!
Then he ran to the garage side door and jiggled and twisted but it wouldn't open!
"Help me!
He looked around his house.
"Dear Jesus, please! Someone has to be home I have to go to the bathroom!"
Then he started doing his "I have to pee" dance, and he danced and he danced!
Then he saw his salvation, the weeds!
So he took care of business... in the weeds.
Then of course what happened, his mother comes to the door, sees him standing knee deep, trousers down.
"Evan Jehosaphat Smithers, you are in so much trouble!"
"I really had to go Mommy!
She held a hand in front of her eyes and said "when you are finished, you will come in, I will leave the kitchen door open and you will wash your hands without touching anything!"
Evan finished taking care of business, pulled up his pants, and walked sullenly into the house.
Mommy looked at him and looked away. "Please wash your hands."
Then she asked "Evan, why didn't you come inside the house to use the bathroom?"
"I tried, but every door was locked and I couldn't open the garage."
"Well, Evan did you try the back door?"
"What?"
"The back door behind the garage"
"I tried the garage door but it wouldn't..."
She said "No, honey, the back door, the back door was open because me and your brother and your dad were all swimming. You ran around the entire front of the house and didn't see us. You could have come to the back door, it was open. We locked the other doors because we couldn't see them from the pool.
Evan finished washing his hands and said, "Mommy, you're so cruel! If I had known you were swimming, I would have peed in the pool!"
The End.
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