Comma Vol.1, Ep.5

Dear Santa,

Hi, how are you? It's me, Charity.

As usual, I have lots of questions. How does this whole free stuff thing work? Do you only deliver toys? Or is that just a hollywood movie gimmick? Do you get royalties from all these movies about you? How do you deliver so many presents in one night?

How old are you? I mean, in all of the movies and photos, you look pretty good, but legend has it you've been around a while. And lets be perfectly honest, (since I'm trying so hard to stay on the nice list) if there's a legend about you, you're old.

Let's talk color scheme, I'm assuming someone told you red was your color, once upon a time. But seriously? There's this line between enough and too much red, and you're well, lets just say that if the line is the equator...

So, I propose that while you're in town, we do a little makeover. I'm thinking something dignified: black or navy, a nice pinstripe, and a red tie. (I recognize the importance of tradition.) You probably feel self conscious about the weight, don't even worry about it. Everything will be tailor made to fit and flatter. As for an overcoat, think a Bublé-esque trench coat. Mrs. Claus is going to love it!

As you can probably tell, I've been very good this year. I'm always trying to help people be their best self, and trendy, too! All I ask for as a reward are a few small items.

1. Paint Set - I have this huge blank space on my wall that needs some color ASAP! A large canvas would be nice, too!

2. Holiday Barbie - I always wanted one as a little girl, but never got one. In fact, I got a lot of clothes which made me into quite the fashionista. You're reaping the consequences of that now, aren't you?

3. North Face Women's TKA 80, Size L, White and Cha Cha Pink - A couple shout wipes in the pockets are also recommended, you know how white fabric attracts stains, especially when I'm wearing it.

4. iPhone 4S - If you're really in a Christmasy mood, you could get me the iPhone 5, but I'll take what I can get.

5. $ - Rumor has it, those elves can make anything. Some extra green would be awesome. In fact, if you forget the rest of this list, it's okay. Just slip the cash into my stocking, I won't tell my brothers.

Oh, and if you have a 2012 Jeep Wrangler Unlimited Sahara lying around, I'd be more than happy to take it off your hands. It's really no trouble at all.

Thanks so much! I'll be sure to leave my famous oatmeal chocolate chip pecan cookies and milk out for you. (Skim milk, of course.)

Happy Christmas!

Charity

Rochester, WI

P.S. Say "Hi!" to Mrs. Claus and all of the reindeer for me! And tell the elves that clothes aren't the only thing made of fabric... $