Ampersand, Vol.1, Ep.8

Welcome to Step 2!


Listening with Empathy


Each step is a little more challenging.  Listening with empathy is particularly challenging because it is often confused with sympathy.  Not the same thing.

Sympathy is [feeling] the same [emotions] that the other person is [feeling] from your own perspective.   Empathy requires acknowledging the background, habits, and history of the other person in order to connect on a deeper level.  Empathy is [feeling] the same [emotions] that the other person is [feeling] from his or her perspective.

I put [feeling] in brackets because it is interchangeable with [thinking], [choosing], and [moving], etc.  [Emotions] is interchangeable with [thoughts], [decisions], and [movements], etc.

Empathy is also recognizing that everyone is just trying to survive life.  So even when it is difficult to hear what someone is saying, you recognize that this is someone who is doing everything they can to survive, and you respect that by listening and attempting to connect with them on a personal level.

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>> brief interlude <<

There are theoretically three levels of connection and understanding in relationships.

Surface: The weather, sports, and television are frequently spoken of on this level.

Personal: This level is for family, background, close friends, and shared experiences.

Spiritual: The work of the Holy Spirit, relationship with God, and faith are the areas of connection on this level.


>> returning to regularly scheduled programming <<

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It's important to recognize that often listening with empathy requires internalizing some very negative emotions.  Some people have good survival strategies to deal with the struggles of life.  Others do not.  Take it slow as you expand your capacity to listen with empathy and recognize that you do not need to hold the negative emotions of others, though in relationships, we make efforts to understand and accept them.

There are 3 questions to ask yourself when you are listening with empathy:

• What need is the [emotion] coming from?
• What difficulty is this person experiencing?
• What is he or she asking for?

If you can answer these questions, congratulations!  You are listening!  And with empathy!

This is my personal challenge for today, I'll give you an update tomorrow!