Ampersand, Vol.1, Ep.9

Alright, I did it.  I mean, I attempted to do it.  Listen with empathy, that is.  Probably picked the best or worst day to be more thoughtful about it.  Sundays are very busy and often emotionally draining.  However, I made a conscientious attempt and had at least one successful conversation, 1 out of 10.  My percentage will increase with time and practice, I hope.

I'm not sure I'm ready for the next step, but here it is.


Listening with Openness


Seeing this title, I was like, "psh! I've got this!  I'm open!" and then I read the description.  Twice.  Well, I'm not as open as I thought.

Listening with openness is listening without judgment.  It's listening without concern for being proven right or denying being wrong.  It's difficult and goes against every socially constructed instinct.

Listening with openness is hearing the whole statement, entire communication, and "waiting for the period," before forming an opinion or judgment.

Listening with openness is beneficial for many reasons, besides deepening relationships, you learn.  (What's that? Shock! Awe! Learn? Yes! Learn!)  You learn how to discern, how to admit you're wrong, and how to be gracious when you're right.  Learn.

Also, you grow.  (Yes! Grow!)  You can hear opinions that you don't agree with and think about them without changing your mind or leveling a verbal punch at your conversational partner.  Grow!

And you make new friends!  (Okay, if you're over 30 and "at capacity" this may not apply to you, however, those of us who still have beautiful souls would like to make new friends.)  When you listen with openness you accept people with varying viewpoints into your circle, people are interested in you because you listen to them, and they'll start listening to you, too!  See! New friends AND audience!  (Exactly what you wanted to begin with!)

It may be hard for you to listen with openness.  Perhaps you fear being wrong.  Perhaps you don't want to hear unpleasant truths about yourself (Psh! No one does!)

Humble yourself and listen.

Even if you don't now, you'll be humbled soon enough. Judgmental and close-minded people eventually are brought down.  And you don't want to be like that anyway.

Exercise Time!  With someone you trust.  Someone you TRUST!  You can try a reversal.  Pick an old disagreement that is not that explosive.  NOT that explosive.  You each state your side of the argument.  Then reverse sides and argue for the opposite position.  (Don't do this for longer than 5 minutes the first time, 2 minutes if you're hyper-sensitive like me.)  Argue convincingly, really immerse yourself in the opposing argument.  Then, stop arguing and share what each of you experienced.

Find how the other person's point of view makes sense.

You're a cultural anthropologist!  Learn! Grow! Discover! (And make new friends!)