So now you're going to be the best listener in the world! Woohoo!
So just to recap:
Good Listeners listen actively, and with empathy, openness, and awareness.
You know how to listen now, but how do you let people know that you're really listening and really care about them and want them to listen to you with as much focus as you listen to them. Start with the following:
• Maintain good eye contact - not staring, but consistent meeting of the eyes, keep it natural, please!
• Lean slightly forward - slightly. Who remembers Hitch? "You go 90% and I come 10%." Slightly = 5%.
• Affirm the speaker by nodding or paraphrasing. Be sincere, not a bobble head.
• Clarify by asking questions. One to two questions at a time, and calmly!
• Actively move away from distractions. Loud music? Spastic dancing? Television? No, thank you!
• Be committed to understanding what was said, even if you're feeling emotional. If you're feeling overwhelmed, put the conversation on pause, compose yourself, and continue. Be as committed to the conversation as you are to strengthening your relationship with this person.
If you still don't feel heard, tell the person. These are your friends, family members, or significant other. They want a relationship with you, too! And they need to know you feel ignored, unimportant, unloved, or incompetent.
Your feelings are valid!
So tell them! Give them a chance to listen, too!
Love!
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